the movie addiction

How can you guess which movies Ambuj liked?

You dont have to guess because he quotes from them all the time:

Me trying to open a jam bottle; face contorted with effort..

A: "Tumse na ho payega"

Me trying to leave a restaurant right after a meal...

A: "We want ze monnie Lebowski, ozzerwise we f*cks u ups"

(Oh right, we have to pay :P)

Me complaining about a cheap cake tin having spoilt my cake

A: "Khaoge kauva biryani to mohd rafi ka awaaz thode hi ayega"

After i have gone nuclear about something small, and i am demanding why is he looking pissed with me..

A: "You are not wrong Walter, (you are just an as*ho**)"

Where is your wallet??

A: "Left cheek, left cheek"

Playing poker and not being able to decide whether or not to match the bet

A: "What you dont put in the middle, you don't lose... but you don't win much either"

Brownie points for guessing the movies! :D

@ Whatsapp

So Whatsapp introduced "@"
But since Whatsapp pe itne fake messages float hote hain, people were hesitant to be the ones to try it in a group and be caught in the act of being duped by a fake msg..

In such situations in life, you turn to the one group where you feel most comfortable in being called out for being an idiot. So on the whatsapp group of us cousins; one of us started trying to type @ and seeing what happens. Soon the fever caught on..

For a change; it wasnt one of those fraud messages, type "9" and see what happens :P
It actually worked for some, but dint work for everyone... (supposedly it required the latest version of whatsapp)
So inevitably confusion ensued..
what was this feature for...
what is supposed to happen if we type @...
why is everyone typing @... 
leave me alone guys, i am in office...

Ambuj somehow was one of the few members whose whatsapp was doing what everybody else was hoping it will do.
So Mr. Johri was very smugly encouraging people to keep trying it, without telling them to (obvsly) update the version of the app.

Finally he was asked to explain..

Here is what Ambuj said and how he said it:

Perfect Husband

Ambuj is the perfected husband.

Like, he never cribs when I'm in the clutches of that shopping mania (which is only every other weekend). He doesn't dissuade me from trying various dresses before deciding to buy none. He doesn't complain of being bored..

Ambuj has found the perfect entertainment "on- the-go". He is on Quora and Quora is on his mind, ALL THE TIME.

At first I thought it was good, i dint have to feel guilty about the times i was busy ogling at shopfronts.

Then i starting doubting that, I realised that even other times, while i talked to him; his nose was buried in his phone. But then he looked up and showed me what Quora users think of the topic i was talking about...

He was listening!! :))))

Oh! and now he has lots of cool stuff to tell me... we can swap stories; he tells me what all new stuff he read on Quora and i tell him; who said what to who in office :D (to which he listens with his nose buried in Quora)

"Quora" perfecting husbands since umm.. 2012?

Hat ja warna rondh doonga

Ambuj driving on the road:

a pedestrian is standing on the road trying to cross the road while traffic is moving.

Ambuj: "Hat ja warna rondh doonga"

an auto tries to overtake our car.

Ambuj: "Hat ja warna rondh doonga"

the iconic BEST bus, huge, indifferent, inconsiderate, plunges into the lane of Ambuj's car.

Ambuj: "Hat ja warna rondh doonga"

Side swipe!!

BEST bus: 1

Ambuj: 0

Sneeze

Once upon a time, i made pav bhaji at home.
Since it was the first time i was making it, i was a little unsure of the ratio of all the masalas.. so i asked Ambuj dear to taste and let me know whether he thinks it is good.. He came to the kitchen and:

Ambuj says: *sneeze* *sneeze* *sneeze* *sneeze*

Enough said !

I told you so!

When i am out shopping for utilities/ groceries, i am constantly bothered. I feel that everyone is out to swindle me.

So here we were trying to buy some bananas; and from one shop to the other there was a difference of 2 rupees per dozen. Preposterous!

So i had a discussion (ahem!) with the shopkeeper, trying to tell him that he is losing customers by pricing the fruit in his shop higher. He dint budge, "wahan se lena hai to lo madam!".

I was so miffed that i went and bought the bananas from the cheaper shop; emphatically stamping the revenue loss on the face of the said shopkeeper. After all, customer bhagwan hota hai!

Next morning, i discovered that the bananas were so so over that they were inedible. What a great start to the day and on top of that..

Ambuj says: "ab khaiyega kauwa biryani to gale se mohd Rafi jaisa awaaz thode hi niklega".
(translated for the non-kanpuriyas: you get what you paid for)

Dont angry and drive

Ambuj says, " Haramzade, chalta kyun nahi hai!"

Ah! To see him angry (at someone else) is a true pleasure. So rarely does he step into my domain that his comment made me look up; in front of him was a car who had decided that afterall he had to go left from the rightmost lane and was inching towards the next lane trying to cut through oncoming traffic; we were at a standstill.

We were on our way back home and he was driving, I was reading.

Usually i do the bad mouthing from the shotgun seat while he calmly navigates the crazy Mumbai peak hour rush..

Imagine this: the Buddha driving, a peaceful forgiving smile on his face. Crouched upon the car roof sits an angry person with a 20 ft javelin nudging the traffic to move; out of the Buddha's car's path.."

The javelin is my constant stream of expletives as cars overtake ours and i am generally sitting inside, apart from that you get the idea.

I had a firm belief that it was due to my talents (obvsly) that we made home everyday from office, but Ambuj differed.

So now i have taken up reading, so i can maintain my equanimity while on the road and Ambuj is left to fend for himself. 

Inspirational

I am a thinker, above all that i am.
I have an active imagination, so active actually, that something i get confused whether something happened or it was just my imagination.
I am quick to react, fight and get angry.. i usually do the thinking much later (though lots)

So here i was, content in reviewing yesterdays event, thinking aloud about my impressions and in general working myself up for a nice sulk when;

Ambuj says: "why do you have so many F*cks to give?"

Later i found this gem below: and decided that i will start a page because really, who doesn't want to be reminded midway their "scheduled sulk" that you know.. who gives a sh*t!

Its a good-ish thing

In office, almost everyday someone pops up in my cabin to remind me that "you are lucky, Ambuj is a gem of a person".
It is almost as if the guys in office collectively feel that i must not be allowed to forget it, so like my daily dose of thyroxine i am given a daily dose of this reminder.

Sometimes they outdo themselves and also explain that Ambuj shines (and i am not talking about his reflecting forehead) as an embodiment of niceness against you know... me (yeah! i am also laughing, its ok)

So one day i did the math:

People who love me, love Ambuj (well if they love me, it must be easy)
People who are indifferent to me, love Ambuj (so i hear)
People who dislike me, love Ambuj (i do not understand why! as in why they love him; about me is abundantly clear)

Before i can (due to my competitiveness) make a strategy to turn the tables on him

Ambuj says, "Thats a good thing right? 🤔"

humphhh!
yeah maybe it is a good-ish thing